The Potty
by Dust-covered Euphonium
Summary: The Gboys and Treize go to the movies. Duo has to go potty but can't find one.


Declaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, American Pie II, Brian and Justin from Queer as Folk or my Quidam music (until I pay Mr. K that dollar). Now, leave me alone so I can sulk.  
  
Author's Notes: The idea came from The Animaniacs (or however you spell it). Written at 1am, complete insanity, summer 2001.  
  
The Potty  
  
Heero, Duo, Trowa, Quatre and Wufei were taking some well-deserved time off from all the fighting and (for Heero) running from Relena. So they decided to go to a movie theatre to catch the newest flick: American Pie II (so what that this takes place in the future, we'll just call the movie remastered or something!).  
  
After buying their tickets (Heero paid for Duo, Quatre paid for Trowa and Wufei brought along Treize to pay for his ticket-I said they were taking a break from fighting) Duo insisted on getting popcorn, pop (soda if you prefer to call it that- coke for the Texans) and candy for the movie. So the six bought some food and drink.  
  
Once they were seated in the theatre Duo started to munch on the popcorn and drink the pop before the previews even started. Heero was forced to get refills on the pop during the previews at Duo's pleading request ("Come on, Heero, Pleeze?" "No! You'll have to go pee before the movie starts!" "Fine, but no lovin' for you tonight." ".damn!").  
  
Two more pops went into Duo's body and by the middle of the movie he had to go to the potty, and really bad at that. He nudged Heero on the shoulder.  
  
"Hay, Heero," he whispered. "I'll be back in a few. I got to take a piss."  
  
"I warned you, now, didn't I?" Heero smirked.  
  
"Shut up," Duo rolled his eyes and stood. Sense Quatre and Trowa weren't going to get out of his way (too caught up in lip-lock) he slithered past Treize and Wufei.  
  
"Get out of the way, Maxwell, I'm trying to watch the damn movie!"  
  
"Calm down, Wu-dear, he's only passing by," soothed Treize.  
  
"So what? Anything that Maxwell does is a major injustice."  
  
"Gee, thanks, Wu!" said Duo.  
  
"Anytime."  
  
Duo sprint down the isle, out the theatre door and towards the men's bathroom only to find an 'Out of Order' sign taped to the door. "Shoot!" Duo muttered under his breath. He then looked at the woman's bathroom door. Shrugging, he simply walked in, not caring much that it was a woman's bathroom and he was a male. Why? Who knows? Plot hole perhaps? Hee hee! Or perhaps he just had to go potty that bad.  
  
Inside the bathroom were two teenage girls primped at the mirror. It seemed they were on a double date, or on a date with each other (author shrugs).  
  
One girl looked up from the mirror and spotted the male intruder. and screamed. Of course Duo ran out the door.  
  
Duo ran out of the theatre to the nearby comic bookstore. He stepped up to the clerk and asked urgently "Can I use your potty?" Duo was now hopping around and holding himself.  
  
The fat man took a moment away from his mini TV to answer. "Hm, you'll have to buy something first." He took a bite of his taco. "Only paying customers are allowed to use the restrooms."  
  
"But I haven't got any money," Duo whined. "My boyfriend had to pay for my movie ticket!"  
  
"Sorry," the man shrugged and went back to the TV. "Can't help ya then."  
  
Duo hopped around for a second more before sprinting to the next store, but they wouldn't let him use the potty either. The braided boy found a run down gas station and asked the clerk if he could use the potty. The blonde, gum-chewing clerk pointed to the doors in the back.  
  
As soon as Duo went into the restroom and flicked on the lights bugs scattered into hiding places along the mold covered walls.  
  
"EW!" Duo whined, taking in the vile scent and filthy look of the place. "I can't go potty in here!"  
  
He was out of the gas station and back searching in the streets as fast as he entered. Eventually, Duo turned into the park.  
  
"I just won't think about it," he said to himself. "Then I won't have to go potty."  
  
How wrong he was.  
  
After passing a sprinkler, a drinking fountain, a pond filled with ducks, a few kids selling lemonade and a fountain with stone statues spitting water, Duo had to go really, really, REALLY bad!  
  
"Potty, potty, potty," he chanted, once again hopping around and holding himself. "I have to use the potty!"  
  
Duo stood in an empty parking lot when he thought of an idea. Out of hammerspace he pulled out a bag and started rummaging through it. From inside the bag he pulled an anchor, a steering wheel, a gundam engine, and Brian's underwear (Duo took it from Justin. you know, Queer as Folk.?). There was also a kitchen sink, Jekyll's top hat and Hyde's cane, Trowa's stash of lube (How'd that get in there?), a bomb, Dan-yell's missing marching music (I've been wondering where my Quidam music went!) and Heero's spandex shorts.  
  
"Oh come on," Duo muttered. "I'm sure I have a potty in here somewhere."  
  
He reached far into the bag and out came a porcelain white potty.  
  
"Yay!" the braided wonder cheered and lifted the seat of the potty. But when he looked around he noticed that there were people around, staring and wondering "what the Hell?"  
  
So Duo picked up the potty and ran with it, trying to find a place to go potty without people looking at him. He tried going potty in a darkened alley but a street gang was there. Duo ran inside a backstage door and found a dark space. He was about to relieve himself when light shone behind him. It turned out he was on a stage and the fifth act for MacBeth was opening.  
  
With a red face, Duo ran from the stage with the potty in hand.  
  
"Potty, potty, potty!" Duo belt out as he ran through the streets. "I've got to go to the POTTY!!!"  
  
He ended up back at the theatre (Trowa and Quatre were still making out! O.o ) and bolted down the isle. "I gotta GO!" he bellowed.  
  
Duo jumped up to the front row and right into the movie. Of course the cast of American Pie II were pissed and started yelling at the intruder.  
  
"Hay, we're trying to have a sex scene here."  
  
"Sorry," said Duo. "But this is a potty emergency!"  
  
Duo ran into a door and locked it behind him.  
  
One of the actors started banging on the door. "Get out of the movie, dude!"  
  
After a moment's pause a toilet flush could be heard and Duo stepped out of the room, smiling happily. "I feel better now," he said.  
  
The band camp girl came up to the braided boy and kicked him out of the movie and into the theatre, right on to Wufei's lap.  
  
"Damn it, Maxwell!"  
  
Duo slithered back on to his seat next to Heero.  
  
He looked at his lover, who had a knowing smirk on his face.  
  
"What?" Duo asked Heero.  
  
"I told you, now, didn't I?"  
  
"Shut up and kiss me," Duo said and lunged at his lover but Heero pushed him off. "What's wrong?"  
  
"You didn't even wash your hands!" Heero scolded. "Gross!"  
  
Duo stood up, walked past Treize and Wufei ("Damn it, can't you ever hold still, Maxwell?") and made his way for the men's bathroom.  
  
When he read the 'Out of Order' sign, Duo cursed and turned to the woman's bathroom. He shrugged and walked in, soon followed by two girl's screaming.  
  
The End.  
  
Dan-yell: Damn it Duo, why'd you have to steal my Quidam music! Mr. K had a fit about not having it last rehearsal! Just give it back before band camp!  
  
Duo: This one time, at band camp.  
  
Dan-yell: -.-; Shut up, Duo. I don't play the flute or the trumpet-  
  
Duo: But Trowa does!  
  
Trowa: ///.- Oh please.  
  
Quatre: ^_^ Trowa has me for that!  
  
Dan-yell and Duo: O.o; 


End file.
